


Bleeding fall

by LobbyLane



Category: The Producers (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-05-31 04:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19418362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LobbyLane/pseuds/LobbyLane
Summary: What if there was something you didn't know? Max notices a small thing with Leo and everything seems to change... Leo/Max The Producers (c) Mel Brooks





	1. Noticing

**Author's Note:**

> Looong time, no see, right :) I've been away for a while, I know but I wasn't gone mentally... Anyway, hope you like this (lame) beginning...believe me, it's gonna get better ;)

Sometimes, life gets dark. Or harder than anything you can cope with.

Sometimes people will let you down. And sometimes you'll be the one hurting others.

Sometimes, everything you knew was a lie.

Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again…

"What's with the shaking hands?"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Leo looked up from his books as he heard Max's voice whispering into his ear silently. Whether it really was his questions that ripped him out of his daydream or the little punch in his side Max gave him to get his attention, he couldn't say for sure.

The truth was he hadn't been paying attention on what was happening on stage right now. Leo just sat there, almost drowsily looking at Max.

"What do you mean?" he asked a little absent minded still, rubbing his side slightly while trying to give the best smile he could accomplish.

Max raised one eyebrow and almost pierced the younger man with his stare. Silently and without saying any more he pointed at Leo's hands without taking away his gaze.

Leo followed him and only seconds later found himself staring at his own hands as well.

He looked as usual. A little slumped down he was sunken in his chair, with his right hand holding on to the corner of the paper he was writing on so it wouldn't get lost and his left holding the old scratching pen he felt most comfortable with when he needed to write down notes pretty quickly. The only difference were his hands shaking. Not just a little but in a way everyone within a radius of nine-hundred feet would have noticed. It almost looked like he'd been in the icy cold for hours.

Only it wasn't winter and inside the theatre it was pretty warm most of the time anyway.

Leo gasped slightly and suddenly sat upright.

"Are you feeling stressed?" he heard Max again. He sat next to him and supported his head with his hand by now. Most likely he tried to look casual. Leo could tell. But Max's eyes looked worried. As did his voice which carried Leo`s assumption so clearly into his direction. "It happens a lot lately. If you need a day off or anything, just let me know."

Leo immediately pulled his hands out of his field of vision and clamped them under his arms, smiling at Max.

"What are you talking about?" he grinned. "I'm alright, don't you worry."

Thus he got up, causing the chair to squeak loudly on the wooden floor. Some people around them turned and it appeared the noises around them faded a bit. That moment was crucial. Leo knew theatre people. He knew they would listen now because everything the producer of a show did, could affect them and they knew. What they didn't know though were these small private conversations between him and Max every once in a while.

He turned his back on Max and marched towards the side door of the stage. He didn't dare to turn nor did he say anything. He just kept moving.

"Leo," he heard Max calling after him, but only focused on getting out; his hands still out of sight from anyone. A little fresh air. That's what he needed. Nothing more or less. This would be gone in no time for sure and he didn't want Max to worry.

\-----------------------------------------------------

When the huge metal door fell shut behind him, Leo turned once more to see if he'd followed him.

Nothing.

He exhaled deeply and lifted his head to look at the sky.

The sun was shining down on him and it was always a little difficult to get used to the brightness of a summer's day when spending the whole day inside a dark theatre. Leo blinked once or twice. The crystal clear blue sky was almost inviting to walk a little, but he knew he had only little time before someone inside would miss him or insist he'd come back.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second before squatting down to the floor.

Slowly he pulled his hands up again, which he had kept hidden between his arms. It took him a moment to really look at them though. This was hard and he knew. Lowering his head he finally focused his hands.

There they were. They looked like his. They even felt like his. But he could clearly see it. Shaking. They were shaking uncontrollably.

Leo didn't understand. He didn't do anything. Hell, he didn't even recognize them doing it. Nor did he have any control over them calming down.

His eyes widened and he noticed how his breath became faster. Quickly he rubbed them against each other trying to stop them. But even his movements became more desperate within seconds.

"No, no, no," he thought and felt a familiar fear crawling up inside of him holding his breath. His gaze was fixated on his hands up to the point where he didn't even notice the city around him or people walking by in the near distance. But it was no use.

So, in one quick twitch he pressed them behind his back, leaning his whole weight against them up to a very painful point. Leo felt the cold brick-stone wall behind him and his fingers between that wall and his back and the pressure of his body which crushed them between the two of them. But as soon as the painful tension almost caused an even worse sting in his hands that immediately wandered up his arms, he could feel them slowly calming down. It was almost as though he was able to feel them again.

Leo let his strained head fall back against that wall as well. He inhaled deeply trying to also relax his body again.

"Not again," he thought, opening his eyes. How on earth could this happen? It didn't in years. But this was way too familiar and, being honest with himself, it started to scare him deeply. A fear he believed to have vanished. A fear he thought he'd prevailed over. But right here and now, it was back.

So what now? What should he do? Ignoring it and hoping this was a once in a lifetime incident? Probably. But what if it was not? What should he do?

And more importantly, what should he tell Max, who was bound to ask after that exit?

He didn't know. He didn't want to lie either though.

Leo slowly pulled his now aching hands back up from behind his back. They were red from the pressure and he could clearly see the markings of the bricks. But at least, they didn't shake anymore.

The young man still stared at them.

So, what now?

~To be continued~


	2. Proving

Max watched him sneaking back into the theatre. He stood in the shadows of the huge curtains, which hung pulled away aside the stage, his arms folded. While all the people on stage were busy hurrying to their places and rehearsing lines again, he could easily get out of sight in that dark corner. 

Not that it really mattered, for Leo only rushed by as quickly as he had left before. He appeared absentminded and in a way careless. He tripped over his own feet once or twice while keeping his focus on the chair he was aiming for. His movements were quick and almost timid. A behavior Max hadn’t seen in years on his partner. But, much to his relief, Leo’s face had brightened up a little. 

He watched him taking his seat again and, as usual, starting to take notes immediately just as if nothing had happened. 

Max sighed. Well, maybe there really was nothing. Leo had worked a lot over the past couple of months and maybe was indeed just tired. There was no sign of him acting strange after all. And who knows what Max had seen there? Maybe he’d imagined it. 

“You should really stop worrying so easily,” he thought to himself, closed his eyes and had to smirk. Geez, this manner was pretty new to him as well but somehow grew to be a habit lately, if he didn’t pay attention. But it was a fact he himself was keeping his eyes on Leo more often than usual. 

“This gotta stop,” Max thought and lifted himself from the wall he was leaning onto, moving straight towards the stage again without another glance at his partner. He shouldn’t notice he’d been observed anyway. 

Max moved through the theater in the back of the stage always careful not to walk in the lights as he knew perfectly well Roger would get a heart attack within a second if someone walked through a scene. As well as he knew the answer “A producer is supposed to check up on some things if there’s no run through yet" wasn’t going to work as it possibly would with any normal director. Well, but what was normal anyway? Max smirked thinking about Roger. Or all of them for that matter. In fact this whole production team was kind of stranger than anyone would think. They even made headlines ever since Max and Leo gained a certain kind of fame running the biggest production empire on Broadway and it appeared, his working team drew quite some attention to the public. Even though it wasn’t so unusual for theatre people. Well, ok if he was being fair the fame of Carmen with the gay community did a good step towards this as well, but who was being so picky? 

Max had to smile seeing Roger almost dancing through the crowd of actors, yelling senseless commands at them while most of the wouldn’t even listen. They knew this way too good by now as well and hadn’t had to fear anything as long as Max didn’t pay attention. They knew.

Roger was caught up in the scene, explaining in every single detail how he wanted them to behave. Needless to say he wasn’t half as good an actor as the others, so Max stopped himself from bursting into laughter listening to it. He couldn’t help it. As much a pain it was to work with them sometimes, he just loved them. Roger and Carmen and all of their freaky little appendices. It had taken him long to get to this point but they were family. His family to be exact and he wouldn’t want to have it any other way. 

He stopped once more to watch them a little longer, hoping Roger wouldn’t catch him. It was a fact that became clearer to him though the longer he witnessed them. This was worth it. All the infinite working hours, the exhaustion, the endless discussions and even the little private time was worth it. This was were he was meant to be. With all of them. And Leo. 

Leo.

And just as this thought crossed his mind , his eyes wandered slowly over to the former accountant again.   
Leo sat there, with his hand folded in front of his face and his chin lazily laid upon the back of them, watching Roger as well. He seemed tired, which was nothing unusual during this time of a production but he smiled again. His normal carefree smile with bright eyes and the little dimples that appeared next to his mouth when he was being amused. 

Max sighed again. It must have been imagination. Leo was as ever. Nothing strange about him.   
“Where does this attitude come from, you old fool,” he asked himself, closing his eyes. But in the back of his mind he knew perfectly well. He'd nearly lost him before. It was this deep panic inside of him to lose him again and he knew it. “I really have to get a grip on this.” 

Being overly protective wasn’t something that suited him really, yet he was well aware of becoming the best version of an old grandmother there was if he didn’t watch it. He nearly had to giggle imagining himself running after Leo all the time. And somehow, his brain managed to magically transfer himself into a washed out night gown doing so. No, that definitely wasn’t him. Gosh, Max. Get yourself together. 

“I’m overworked, that’s all,” he thought, suppressing his laughter. 

“What’s so funny?”

Max nearly jumped, hearing a voice next to him, throwing his arms to the sky in shock. With shocked eyes he looked into the rather amused face of Carmen, who stood next to him smiling brightly and initially leaning against the cold brick-stone wall with one arm, supporting his head with his hand while tousling through his wild curls. He must have been standing there for a while now, judged by his relaxed look. Possibly because the lights of the stage couldn’t reach him here and the rough stone wall was one of the few places providing some cool. 

“Never do that again!” Max hat his troubles keeping his voice down, while grabbing for his heart and taking a deep breath. “Holy shit… Jesus!” 

Carmen on the other hand started to chuckle. 

I’m sorry,” he answered. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Well, you did,” Max looked up at him again, but had to smile. What are you doing back here?”

“I assume the same as you,” he still laughed. “Getting out of sight for a moment. And trying to get out of this hell that is the heat of these headlamps.” 

Wiping away some pearl of sweat from his forehead, he watched Max for another moment and still lightened up on him trying to catch his breath. 

“So, why are you sneaking around back here?” Carmen asked again.

Max looked at him but quickly took his gaze away again. Good question. He was basically just trying to get out of sight from Leo so he wouldn’t notice him going after him. But was that a reason? He could tell Carmen that, of course. But surely it would lead to him wanting to talk to Leo immediately. Or maybe he would think of Max being just silly for worrying too much; for just hearing the pin drop over a silly movement of shaking hands. After all, this could have had a thousand possible reasons. 

Or maybe he would calm Max a little. For he knew Leo pretty well too. And possibly he would just find the perfect answer for Max’s alarm bells ringing. This was Carmen after all. Max had no reason whatsoever to mistrust him. 

So he sighed and leaned next to Carmen to the wall, crossing his arms in front of his body.

“Oh that face,” Carmen looked straight ahead. 

“What?”

“Alright, what’s bothering you?” Carmen asked, smiling softly. “That face means nothing good, really.” 

Max turned his head to him and felt that unfamiliar smile of affection towards the younger man in front of him appear in the corners of his mouth. 

“You know, you’ve got the once in a lifetime chance right now to talk,” Carmen continued even more amused, grinning widely at the older man. “Doctor Ghia's office for the incurable communication resisters is open for a private little chat with no extra fees whatsoever.” 

Max snorted.

“You’ve been wanting to say that for long, haven’t you?” he asked with tears in his eyes.

“One thing to cut from my wanting-to-do- list,” Carmen grinned back. “Lucky me!”

“Communication resisters?”

Carmen nodded, raising his eyebrows in agreement.

“Max, please,” he continued a little more sincere. “I’ve seen that face before and believe me, I know what worried looks like in your eyes.” 

Max’s face fell and he looked down to his feet. Of course, he knew what Carmen meant. So, once again he sighed.

“I fear I'm transforming into someone I never wanted to be,” he answered truthfully. 

“A grumpy old loner?” Carmen grinned.

“I don’t think I need practice on that,” Max shot back sarcastically. 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Carmen answered, looking at Roger again, who was performing some kind of rage-like dance right now. “I mean it. You’re not like that at all, so no need to act as though you wouldn’t need someone to listen. Everyone needs them from time to time.” 

Max watched him as he listened. Ever since Carmen and him laid down their unjustified distrust for each other, he seemed to have developed a sixth sense for his moods and thoughts. So why was this so hard? Carmen himself had dared to trust him first and talk to him when he couldn’t with anyone else. But as always, old manners were hard to come by. This little jump wouldn’t hurt him though. 

Max closed his eyes as if he hoped it would be safer for him. 

“It's Leo,” he answered silently.

“Oh, surprise,” Carmen grinned at him, still holding his arms folded. 

“You knew?”

“It’s quite funny to witness, how you keep running around him all the time,” Carmen kept on, looking at Max now though with soft eyes. “Pretty unusual for you, if you ask me. But it brings out another new side on you I find quite charming, I must admit.”

“He's somehow scurrying again,” Max tried to explain. And behaving very introverted as well. He's been doing so great in the past couple of months but now, I sometimes get the impression he’s returning to that shy self of his.” 

“And can you blame him?” Carmen smiled.

“What? Why?”

“Max, don't you worry so much,” he put his hand on Max’s shoulder. “After all he has been through, it’s not unusual for him to slow down a bit from time to time. I’d worry if he acted otherwise to be honest. Yes, he seems a little quieter, I’ve noticed too. But I think he’s still recovering and probably he’s tired as well. Plus, both of you have been working a lot lately.”

Max nodded and had to smirk. How silly of him. Of course, Carmen was right. 

“I never thought I’d see the day,” Carmen leaned his head against his hands again. 

“What?” Max answered pretty amused. 

“Max, Max. You’re not developing more heart than any other of us, are you?” he didn’t take his eyes away, despite the immediate blush on Max’s face. “Honestly, though. It's cute you worry and very understandable. It really is. But I guess you can calm down a little. Try not to overwhelm him with this care. Let him come to you. As far as I know Leo he will talk if there’s anything going on anyway. He’s not exactly the secretive kind. And if it's really too much work right now, take a night off.”

“I couldn’t…”

“Why yes, you can,” he I interrupted him quickly. “We’ve got this here. Trust me. Take Leo with you and invest some time in you and him. Believe me, it’ll work miracles.” 

Did he mean this? Max almost didn’t believe his ears. And he felt a wide smile appear on his face, relieving a lot of the stress that had build up lately. Somehow this idea brightened him up a whole deal.

“Thank you. I guess I should book an appointment with Dr. Ghia more often, don’t you think?,” he hugged Carmen shortly and hurried off quickly, leaving a rather bewildered Carmen where he was. It even took him a moment or two to grasp what had just happened. He turned after Max slowly and jeered. 

“Well, who would have thought that?” he whispered to himself before turning back to Roger, who already sounded hoarse from screaming the whole time. And when it looked suspiciously like he was going to throw some chairs at the actors who stood there still unimpressed, Carmen shook his head and had to laugh. Oh well, always the same.

___________

“It was nice of them to let you take the evening off.”

Leo glanced around.

The restaurant they’d decided to visit was quite cozy he must admit. With only a few round tables, all decorated in white satin while the walls were hung with huge velvet curtains of white red and the only lights that shone though the growing darkness of the evening were the thousand of candles standing lit up on the tables and on large shelves across the huge room.

A nice soft melody of piano music was in the air; enough to notice it and muffle the noises of the people around them but not too loud to be disturbing. The place itself was small and hidden in the thousands of little side alleys of New York. Something not everyone knew about and Leo quite liked the feeling of this. Like a secret. Something only them knew about. A treasure within this maze of gray the city could be. And since they hadn’t been out in months, the tickling sensation of enjoyment started to spread all over him rather quickly almost covering up the heavy weight of tiredness that his body had become. 

“Well, there needs to be some time for you as well,” Max smiled at him innocently. “I haven’t had much time for you lately and I am sorry about that.”

Leo on the other hand just shook his head, looking outside the huge stained window in front of them. 

“We both had a lot to do,” he stopped shortly and turned his face to Max, replying to that smile. “It's nothing so unusual to us really. After all, we haven’t had this phase of production for the first time, right?” 

“Yeah,” he replied and his face fell a little. 

Leo still looked outside. His eyes were somewhere out there and Max could see his thoughts taking flight. His long strands fell casually over his eyes and he didn’t bother to get them out of his face as he usually did when he was in conversation.

Softly the warm notes of the piano mixed with the pelting of heavy raindrops against the windows. They were silent at first but soon grew to underline the music inside with a loud and dull drum base. The sight became blurry and the street steadily transformed into a mirror of the people rushing by, reflecting them vaguely. 

Leo stared into space; his eyes dreamy and far away. It almost appeared a dark shadow hung above his head that moment. Max noticed immediately, but didn’t dare to say anything. Was it really him being too worried? He wasn’t sure. 

“Listen,” he hesitantly started. “How about taking tomorrow off as well and just use the day to relax a little?” 

Leo turned his head and looked surprised.

“I just think maybe you…we…we could both need a little rest,” Max looked away quickly, feeling that embarrassing blush appear again. He knew Leo could look right through him. And the slightest movement would reveal him for sure. 

“What are you talking about?” Leo answered calmly. “We're in the middle of production. You cannot mean this.”  
“I…I just thought it'd be a nice change and give us some time to…”

Whoa what was happening here? Did they change roles? Max didn’t believe his own words.

“Us?” Leo interrupted him and smiled. 

Damn. He knew.

“Yes, I mean …,” Max stuttered. 

“Max?” Leo now turned his whole body in his direction as well, taking the arm off that backrest where he had been holding it until now, but keeping his hands under the table still. “What is this about?” 

Max had no chance. He knew he’d lost that one the moment Leo turned his eyes on him. There was nothing he could say to justify not returning his gaze and if Leo really didn’t see through these poor attempts of caring until now, he would be able to conclude any moment with certainty. 

A little unsure, he lifted his head and as soon as their eyes met, it didn’t matter what he would answer. 

“I…”

“I’ve been thinking about Clara lately,” Leo shot. 

Max was so taken aback by that sudden change of topic he pulled his head back a little astonished. 

“Clara?” he managed to mumble and saw Leo nodding.

“I bet he would have loved to take us somewhere to get rid of that tiredness. You know like a nice place with many different people to give the opportunities on different thoughts for a while,” Leo looked outside again. “He would surely manage to cheer us up.” 

Max hesitated. It's been over a year since Clara had left them. He didn’t quite know what to say.  
But Leo seemed to have noticed that as well.

“I…I’m sorry,” Leo flung around again. “I … I didn’t mean…you…"

“So, I wasn’t wrong, you need some cheering up,” Max looked down again; his voice hardly recognizable; answering do quietly. 

“What? No…, I mean …I…” Leo coughed once, taking his hand to his mouth. In that split second Max saw the shivering again. His eyes widened, but Leo put it down immediately again. He seemed to notice something else that moment. “Wait a minute. You were indeed trying to find out, weren't you? Don’t you believe me?” 

“Leo,” Max tried to calm him down. “Relax, I’m sorry. But after your reaction today in the theatre I thought maybe it's a little much right now and…”

“I told you it was nothing,” Leo’s voice grew louder, causing the first guests around them to turn.  
Max was surprised by that sudden outburst. It wasn’t exactly how Leo would usually react.

“You were shivering,” he snapped back but held his voice down still. He wasn’t even angry but more than worried now. 

Whereas Leo seemed to be alarmed by that notion even more. “I don’t know what you think you’ve seen but it ain’t true! I made that clear,” he almost jumped up in agitation. “Do you understand?” 

“Alright! Alright! I’m sorry… do you hear me?” Max tried desperately to control this sure to be panic attack of his partner again. “I am sorry. Leo please, I didn’t mean to upset you!” 

Leo still stared at him infuriated but it was clearly visible he was listening. He stopped for a second but then decided to believe his partner. So, he took a deep breath and leaned back slowly. 

“I’m really sorry,” Max repeated, still having his hands up in the air. “I was just….”

“No, I am sorry,” Leo took yet another breath and looked outside again. “I know you’ve been worrying. I shouldn’t have screamed.”

He turned his head again to look outside and continue his sad eyes stare. But neither did he move his body away from Max, nor did he take his hands up from under that table. Max noticed in surprise. It was hard to see this. And even harder to know that strange feeling creeping up inside again. And it was that moment he was fully aware of Leo lying to him. At least about that matter. Something was indeed wrong. Incredibly wrong. 

It only took a heartbeat for Max to count down every single question in his head. Was he being sick? Did he hurt himself? Leo’d suffered from a serious head-injury about a year ago… were there aftermaths? What the hell was it he was hiding here? What was wrong with Leo? His Leo? His partner; the one Max himself found his whole reason in? 

One thing was sure though, he would never tell. Another point that made Max extremely suspicious. He could feel it clearly. Leo told him everything. Always. Even the things he never wanted anyone to know. So what the hell was this about? 

Max took a deep breath, staring at Leo’s face for another couple of minutes. But then he also was interrupted by the sound of the rain on the windows again. 

What could he do? If Leo was in pain, he could surely help him. They could find someone to help. Or pay someone to do so. But if he wouldn't tell… who was he to force him? 

On the other hand, he was Max Bialystock for heaven’s sake. He could find out. Nothing ever got past him. Max even heard that little voice in his head telling him what to do. But he didn’t spent one second thinking about it being the right thing to do. 

“I shouldn’t worry,” Max started anew. “I know you can take care for yourself. It just…”

“I know,” Leo answered and their eyes met once more. His stare right through him gave Max goosebumps. “But I survived that bat. And you can’t watch every step I’m doing.” 

“Right,” Max poured some wine into the two glasses in front of them. Once they were filled, he handed one to Leo, nodding approvingly. “Let’s just forget about this little incident, shall we?” 

Leo waited one second, but then his face relaxed and he even managed to be close to something Max would call a smile. 

It was infecting. Max put on his brightest face as well, carefully swiveling the glass in his hands. 

“Come on,” he thought. 

Leo seemed to have calmed down though. He sniffed once, using his sleeve to rub over his face once, but then grabbing after the glass. 

It took only one second and he found himself in the grip of Max, who had rushed forward, holding Leo’s arm perfectly still with his own hand. He’d bend forward over the table to do so and for a felt eternity the time seemed to stop. The glass fell to the ground and in a loud crash shattered into a thousand pieces, right next to them, causing the floor to dye itself dark red in seconds.

Leo’s eyes were teared wide open and as much as he might wanted to, he just couldn't move or take his gaze away from Max. He’d hardly ever seen him move so quickly nor had he expected this in the slightest. 

The older man on the other hand didn’t look too friendly anymore. His glance froze at Leo’s hand he held up in the air. He didn’t even notice his grip on Leo’s arm becoming painfully tight, seeing what he saw. 

Leo’s hand was shivering as though he’d just held it inside a bucket of crushed ice for half an hour, while the rest of his body was perfectly still. 

Max didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t move. He just kept on staring and he could feel cold sweat of a deep angst appearing on his forehead.

But then, without any further warning, the former accountant freed himself from Max’s grip with just one powerful push. 

Max kept staring at him in disbelief, his mouth open as if he was about to say something. But as hard as he tried, nothing came out. 

“Leo….,” he managed to whisper. 

“Why?” Leo started and for a second looked like he was about to cry any moment. But then, he pulled his hand closer to himself and his it behind his other hand. It wasn’t much use though, for the shivering was still very clearly there.

“I told you it's nothing!” he squeaked, still completely in shock. 

“Nothing? Leo!” 

“I-I've hurt myself the other day,” his words became faster and faster up to the point Max wondered if he even took a breath in between. “I had a little accident in the kitchen. A dumb little thing, nothing too important. I’ve cut myself. Possible I’ve hit some nerves or something. It'll heal in no time. It's not important…”

“Are you kidding me?” Max answered, still shocked. “Look at your hand, Leo. There’s no wound whatsoever. And even if… you managed to cut both your hands at once? Do take me for a fool?” 

He pointed at his hand hesitantly. Leo followed him with his eyes slowly and appeared to just notice that moment his story was impossible. He didn’t dare to move. His shocked face didn’t even focus on his hands really. He needed a plausible reason. And quick. 

“Leo, what is this about?” he heard Max’s voice as though he was standing in a good distance fro him. “Tell me what’s going on here, for heaven’s sake!”

Leo couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t listen to that voice that moment. So reproachful. So demanding. So unlike Max, it felt like a stranger screaming at him. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t answer. 

Max’s blood froze when Leo grabbed one of the silver shiny knives laying in fro t of them on the table in a mad speed and without hesitation rammed it into his hand. 

Max was on his feet without really noticing it. He didn’t hear the gasps of the staring people around them, nor the shattering of the knife falling down when Leo let go of it. All he did was almost jumping back a few inches as his partner turned to him without warning, impacting his hands on the table with a forceful punch. Immediately the white satin became red from the blood of his hand. 

“No wound?” Leo screamed at him on top of his voice and in an anger Max himself wouldn’t have been capable of. “Now, how's that?” 

He held his hand up for all to see. The shivering had increased and blood was dripping from it like water.   
Max almost fell backwards in shock. He couldn’t answer. He just kept staring at Leo with terrified eyes.   
Was this Leo? He wasn’t sure anymore. This was so unlike Leo. His Leo. These cold eyes. That loud thundering voice. And that blood… 

“Satisfied now?” the younger man screamed again, just as though completely out of his mind. 

Then he grabbed his hand and literally ran to the entrance door, only to vanish outside seconds later.   
Max was staring after him in shock. 

Two or three waiters were immediately by his side, trying to clean up the biggest mess and asking him over and over again if he was right. 

Max didn’t hear them. 

Slowly he turned his head to the table. 

The red puddles of blood kept bleeding through the cloth, making the blood spot appear like a new pattern of decoration, which slowly spread all over the table. 

Max had to brace himself, not being able to breathe or even move still.

What had just happened? 

~ to be continued ~


	3. Doubting

Do you remember that day?

Our eyes met. One moment only. And I had known you'd recognized me. If only for a minute.

You were standing down there in the wings of that huge stage. I was in one of the balconies like a thousand times before. I knew who you were. As did everyone around me. And how I admired what you were capable of.

But that moment…

You looked at me in surprise. And somehow I couldn't believe you'd noticed me. Among thousands. In that huge theatre. We both knew; we both somehow felt that connection yet none of us could grasp it.

If I had known I'd be on my way to you the very next day, I surely would have been a nervous wreck. But I didn't know. Neither that nor that you would be the one changing my life forever. Without ever wanting to know more than you needed to know.

Do you remember that day?

___________________________

Max almost ran the way back to the office without really noticing it.

It was already dark outside and the streets had stopped appearing familiar. Only the streetlights and the many vehicles always buzzing around the city have the artificial bright lights he usually didn't even notice. But now they let shadows evolve out of nowhere and Max saw Leo in every stranger's face that passed him.

"Please, be home," he thought desperately.

His mind was spinning; his heart racing. Whatever had happened back in that restaurant, he knew he couldn't find any plausible explanation without having found Leo first. What's gotten into him anyway? What made him do such an act?

Max blamed himself. He shouldn't have tricked him into showing his hands in the first place but Leo had never been the kind to hurt himself on purpose. And he certainly had never been the kind not to tell what was going on. God damn it, he was the one always insisting communication is everything. And always talked about everything that was on his mind all day long. So, when did this change? And more importantly, what led him to do such a thing? A cut like the one he caused himself wasn't something to take easy.

Max felt sick thinking about it. And as much as he tried, he couldn't get rid of those eyes. Never for once had Leo looked at him that coldly. Just like a stranger; like everybody else. Never had it been this clear something wasn't right. And never before had he had such panic of what might happen to Leo if he wasn't home.

The echo of his steps on the concreted street came back to him from the monstrous buildings around him. His heart was slamming against his chest and his breath as loud as thunder in his ears. Sweat run down his forehead, but he didn't even think about slowing down.

This wasn't true. He had lost him before. Something he never wanted to go through again. But never before had Leo himself caused that feeling.

Max didn't dare to think of the possibility of him not being found. Of what might happen if Leo wasn't where he so desperately wanted to find him.

He reached Shubert Alley without having counted the endless roads he had passed and as soon as he'd opened the door, he flew up the stairs and almost broke their front door up by stemming his whole weight against it. Only then he stopped, breathing heavily.

The black shades of night spread over the huge office room. A ghostly silence vibrated from the walls back to him. The refrigerator from the kitchen hummed its welcoming tune in a low vibrato and the dull steps from the neighbors on the wooden floor pressed themselves through the walls.

Max listened carefully. His lungs felt as though they would explode any second and his heartbeat sounded like someone banging a drum inside of him. But apart from that there was nothing. Not a single sound of someone might being there.

Slowly he closed the door, leaning his head to it for a second as it snapped in with a metallic clicking. Max's eyes were teared wide open and only now he noticed how much he still needed to calm down to catch his breath again. But there was something else nagging inside. Staring at his feet with his heated head pressed gently against the cooling glass of the office door, one thought only shot through his head.

"What now?"

If only there was a logical answer to that. He could of course call Roger and Carmen. But how to explain this? What on earth was he supposed to say when no words in the world could bring some clarity to himself.

His eyes wandered down the to the floor and suddenly his mind was within the room again. He noticed himself holding his breath and felt his blood curdle for a split second. He could see his own feet tracing footprints on the floor. Just as though he'd stepped into some puddles, which if he was being honest was very well possible. But these were different. These were…

Max's head shot up in the air again. In a never known speed his eyes scanned the room again, while his fingers searched for the switch to turn on the light. As the soft click cut through the numbness of that thickening silence and the lights illuminated the familiar office, he gasped slightly, nearly stumbling back a few steps.

Thick drops of blood were spread all over the wooden floor, building a thin track which led past the desk and past the leathered couch straight to the bathroom. The door was closed and there weren't any signs of light inside but Max knew it wasn't always visible from the outside.

So he slowly moved towards the door, careful not to step into that bloody line in front of him. Each step of him echoed back to him in a loud crack of the wood underneath his feet. And the few steps to the door seemed like an eternity that moment. Max couldn't even say if there were any thoughts in him at all. Or any feelings apart from that huge overwhelming angst.

Hesitantly, he knocked on the door.

"Leo?" his voice was shaky and sounded so unlike himself, he couldn't believe it.

He pressed his ear to the door.

Someone was opening the tab. He could clearly hear water streaming. So he must be in there. No doubt left.

"Leo, open the door," he heard his voice getting a little steadier.

"Go away," he heard the familiar voice from inside. Loud and clear.

For that one moment Max felt as though a huge burden was taken from him. Leo was in there. At least that. But whatever happened to him wasn't yet clear.

"Leo, please!" he pleaded again.

"Go!" Leo's voice sounded once more. "Please! I'm fine…"

Max took a deep breath. He didn't believe one word. And even if his life depended on it, he didn't think about going now. Leo's voice had changed. He sounded more like the Leo he'd always been. Shy and almost close to tears. So, Max straightened up. Enough of this!

"I'm coming in," he spoke determinedly and added in his head: "Whether you like it or not!"

He stemmed his whole weight against the door only seconds later. Nothing. Surely Leo must have locked the door from the inside. Damn it, Leo!

He tried again and again, up to the point where his shoulder started to hurt. But Max didn't mind. All he wanted was that damn door to open. Whatever was happening behind it, he was not sure, but he knew one thing: he was prepared for anything.

Then, with a loud crack the lock of the door couldn't stand up against this pressure anymore and sprung open. Max almost fell inside the bathroom; only being able to hold his balance in the nick of time.

Leo looked at him shocked.

He found him sitting at the edge of the bathtub, holding his hand underneath the water from the pouring tab. His body was bent slightly with his feet being the only hold on the tiled ground. He looked pale, with deep shadows under his red eyes and his brown hair hanging in wet strands down his face. He must've been crying. His swollen eyes and the watery look of Leo's long eyelashes were indication enough.

Their eyes met.

As much as he wanted to, Max was not able to say the million things he wanted to when he had been standing in front of that door. He saw Leo there in front of him, looking at him with these heartbreaking eyes; in this almost pathetic state. The water splashing down the tub was the only sound around them and the blood from Leo's injured hand was mixing up with it, so it looked like a red waterfall, splashing around so the dry parts of the tub was already covered in tiny red blobs. All Max managed was to bite his lips.

Leo noticed. His reaction spoke volumes. Without hesitation his eyes filled with tears, he obviously wasn't able to hold back. And seconds later tears started to run down his face, but he didn't break the eye contact with Max.

"It just won't stop bleeding," he cried silently and almost not audible.

And for that one moment Max felt incredibly calm. Without hesitation he walked over to Leo and sat down next to him on the tub. Gently he took his wounded hand into his own to look at it. He treated it very carefully, just as though he was carrying an extremely precious cargo.

Leo let him proceed without any words. He only sniffed once or twice.

"Here, try this," Max said silently and with a voice so maternal, he'd never experienced it himself before.

He took a towel hanging nearby and carefully pressed it on the wound, always trying not to use too much pressure. Leo squinted his eyes and flinched once but only slightly when the loth touched his skin.

They sat there for a couple of minutes without saying anything. Their eyes were on the towel that dyed red quickly. At one point though Max reached over to the tab and turned of the water, which made the room even quieter. In a way they thought their silent breaths echoed from the walls back to them and an eerie tinkling of water vapor could almost been perceived. And apart from the occasional dripping of the still wet tab and Leo's sniffs there was nothing.

The vast amount of Max's thoughts slightly and unnoticeably turned into scanning through all sort of ways of how to stop this hand from bleeding.

"You got lucky it was your right hand," Max said after what seemed like hours; still very calmly and more under his breath than really out loud. He felt Leo nodding without looking up. And he meant it. Knowing Leo was a left hander, this could save him a lot of trouble now after it had happened. For Max knew perfectly well, that this wound could lead to a longer torture healing, if not damaging the hand completely or at least leave some complications.

Leo didn't respond. His hand sunk a little and it looked very much like he was regretting it deeply. When he squinted his eyes once more, Max finally lifted his head in surprise.

"Does it hurt still?" he asked a little afraid he caused it.

"It hurts like hell," Leo responded then trying to move his fingers slightly, but Max stopped him immediately.

"No, don't! You'll make it worse," he softly cupped Leo's hand into his own once more.

"What could be worse?" Leo replied silently, still staring down. "I did this, don't forget… I deserve that pain."

"Don't say that!"

"Oh, it's true," Leo's head shot up. Max could see tears in his eyes again, but this time it appeared not the pain was causing them, but a deep remorse about his own actions. "And you know it!"

Leo's eyes were fixated on his partner's almost as if he expected a lecture or at least a lot of questions, meanwhile knowing perfectly well he deserved every harsh word existing in the dictionary today.

But Max shook his head.

"I shouldn't have tricked you into showing me," his voice sounded almost as uncertain as before now. "I know….I know you hate me worrying too much."

"It's not your part to play," Leo fell into his words.

"I know…," Max lifted his hand slightly and stroke over Leo's cheek once. "I just can't help it. If something was wrong with you, I…. I just…"

Somehow he couldn't say it. Damn it, Max! There it was again. That old barrier he somehow was not able to surpass.

"I'm just…," Leo started without letting Max finish. "I'm so incredibly tired. Like…all the time. And you're hardly there. You work all day and I only see glimpses of you during rehearsals."

Max didn't take his eyes away but at the same time didn't dare to move one muscle.

"And there's that feeling," Leo continued, looking up to the ceiling. "I haven't felt like that in a long long time but it's there. I can sense it creeping up. And I just don't know what will happen…"

"What do you mean? What's gonna happen?" Max sounded agitated all of a sudden. He felt immediately how his body started to stiffen again.

But Leo only teared his eyes wider open and backed away from him a little. It took him a minute or two to really get what he had just told him, but then he shook his head and avoided Max's eyes again as good as he could.

"I'm sorry," he answered quietly. "Forget what I just said. I am tired and mixing things up."

Max didn't believe him.

What the heck was happening here? This was Leo, sure…But which version exactly? It wasn't that screaming, furious man from back in that restaurant anymore. Thank God for that. But it wasn't the funny, smart, grown up version of him either he had become ever since the events fro a year before. No, this was a Leo Max had believed to have vanished long before. This was Leo. The way he had been when they had first met. Shy, insecure, almost a child. Only with a much darker touch to him. So, how on earth could someone switch between who he had been and who he will be cone this quickly? What was the decisive aspect here? He wasn't able to tell. Leo had never behaved like that in the past ten years. Heavens, he'd rammed a knife into his hand!

What was wrong here?

"It stopped bleeding," Max said, witnessing his hand once more. "Can you stand?"

Leo nodded. "Why?"

"Because this needs stitches," Max put away that blood-soaked towel and reached for a new clean one, carefully binding it around Leo's hand. "Come on. Let's go see a doctor."

He offered Leo his arm and his heart almost jumped for joy when Leo grabbed it without hesitation and pulled himself up. This was definitely meaning he trusted him still and wasn't gonna get angry once more.

And just for this thought alone, Max could have slapped himself across the face.

This was so far apart from them than any time before.

________________________

They appeared in the theatre the next day without letting it shine through what had happened the night before. But of course Leo's bandaged hand attracted attention within the first one and half minute they entered. And there was no way of overlooking it.

The doctor had out a huge bandage on it and Leo was kind of forced to keep it still. So usually let his hand hang loosely by his side without moving it in the slightest. A very unnatural way of movements were the result of this and of course people were bound to notice.

And of course there were Carmen and Roger who literally were by their sides immediately. They of course acted overwhelmingly shocked and almost as though Leo had just lost half his arm, both eyes and a good deal of his hair as well.

"Oh my God, what happened?" they asked, looking from Leo to Max and back. They had a way of moving like being just one person when in excitement; just as though they had choreographed their movements a hundred times over just to be prepared in case something unexpected happened one day.

"I er….," Leo started but they didn't even let him really answer.

"Did you fall?" Roger put his hand on his shoulder in affection as soon as Leo had started his reply.

"Did you break it?" Carmen patted his arm.

"Who did that?"

"Have you been attacked?"

"Looks bad. Tell his name and this bastard will regret it."

Leo blushed as far as his ears immediately and looked down to the ground. Max could see his body almost shaking and could tell their never ending questions made it even more embarrassing for him to explain anything. And Max could feel him. He himself would be intimidated by them. How was Leo supposed to explain this? What should he even say?

So, quickly, he jumped in.

"It was a little accident in the kitchen," he smiled at them while pushing Leo softly out of their grip. "It's not as bad as it looks. Don't you worry. He'll be fine in no time again."

Leo looked at him in a mixture of thankfulness and incomprehension. What it really was, Max could not tell but he was grateful for him not saying anything that moment, which probably suited the young man as well.

"Now please, let him breathe for a moment," Max still smiled at Roger and Carmen who simultaneously raised their eyebrows. It was their way to signalize they didn't believe one word that was thrown at them right now. Max knew. He knew them and he could tell. But it didn't matter that moment. "You can worry about him during the next break."

Thus he pushed Leo even further away from them. Usually Leo would take his seat in front of the stage and bury himself underneath the paperwork for the next couple of hours, but Max had other plans.

He led him straight towards the backstage area and, more importantly, out of sight from everyone to look at him as if he was on display.

"Thank you," Leo shyly addressed him once they were out of sight.

"They didn't believe it," Max looked straight ahead still. He didn't know how to react. "It's possible they ask again, you know that."

"Could we….could we stay with the kitchen story?" Leo stopped and looked at him with an expression of a child just having lost his toy.

Max stopped as well and turned to face Leo. He didn't answer right away but thought about it for a second. Then he let his head sink, closed his eyes and sighed.

"I'm not sure, if I can lie to Roger or Carmen," Max replied, looking up again. Their eyes met and Leo knew he was being sincere. "I'm not feeling comfortable with that to be honest. But for the rest….I think we can easily remain with a kitchen-incident."

Leo opened his mouth as if he wanted to argue, but then he swallowed it and looked away.

"Thank you," he nodded. "I… I think I should go to work now."

He didn't waste another look on Max but lowered his head and turned his back on his partner, leaving him without further recognition. And as soon as he vanished into the dark of the stage room again, Max sighed heavily, looking after him.

"What is the matter with you?" he thought. It was so plain to see even though Leo tried hard to hold up the mask he was wearing. To hold back what was there. Unspoken but still like a huge gap between them.

Maybe he should have asked him about this attacking himself- thing. The explanation would have been a good one to hear. If he had explained anything at all, that is to say. And Max wasn't exactly sure this was what Leo had done. No, it was more than possible he'd have done anything like that again. A risk he simply hadn't been willing to take.

Max leaned his head to the gray cold wall, slowly rubbing his neck and closing his eyes just for a second. He felt tired and stressed. In a way Leo was right about one thing. That new position really demanded everything and he indeed wasn't home often anymore. So maybe this was his fault…

"Maybe I would have noticed about his feelings if I had been," Max thought. "Maybe, if I had been there…"

Plus, the night had been horrible. He had barely slept at all and even now he wasn't so sure if bringing Leo here had been the right move. Maybe he was better off at home in bed.

Standing there with his eye closed though, now brought a certain kind of warm dizziness upon himself and maybe in bed was the place Max himself should be right now too.

Quickly he leaned back and opened his eyes again in order to reduce the risk of really falling asleep standing there...

His eyes wandered up to the ceiling. He watched the old rusty fans moving around in squeaking circles and noticed how his mind wandered back to the last night. They had spent it in the hospital until four in the morning. Leo's hand had been stitched several times and bandaged afterwards. He should not move it too much.

Also there indeed was a risk remaining.

"The cut is very deep," the doctor had said to him whilst Leo was out of earshot. "He severed several nerves and it is very well possible he won't be able to use that hand again."

Max had looked at him shocked. "But it could heal as well?"

"It could," the doctor had nodded. "But I can't make a prediction now. We'll have to wait. The next few weeks will be crucial, I'm afraid."

Again, Max sighed… He felt do helpless in a way. And Leo was still behaving as though it had been a kitchen accident… And how on earth could he talk to anyone about this?

He put his hand on his forehead, enjoying the darkness for a moment and for once he felt it was not Leo but himself about to go crazy right now.

______________________

Leo walked around the stage, always remaining in the safety of the darkness behind the burning lights. In a way it felt more secure to wander outside of the spotlight of the crew and the actors. He feared he had to explain too much. A fact he couldn't deny, although he noticed how strangely long ago it was that he had last felt like that. Hell, this was a cut from being too clumsy in the kitchen…

He looked at his bandaged hand and resisted the temptation to form it to a fist.

Normally he would have been stating this fact once and then smile all the doubters away. Or he would go over to Carmen, who usually stood aside the stage when Roger was in the middle of his directing and laugh with him about everything the director exaggerated.

But now, he feared these questions. He couldn't explain it. It was like his barrier had been fallen inside of him and there he was: naked, insecure and anxious lingering behind these ruins, waiting to be attacked from the dangers outside. Worst part was that he knew how strong this feeling was and how it seemingly rose into unknown heights out of nowhere but as much as he tried, he couldn't do anything about it. He had tried to fight it. Back in that restaurant. He didn't even know what it had been that had pushed him over the edge that moment apart from the shock of Max grabbing him. But he remembered that moment as if it was only five minutes away.

Something inside of him just clicked and he did…well, what he had done. He remembered everything though. That feeling when his arm reached for that knife. The moment the hard cold steel had cut through his skin and the stabbing pain that had shot not only through his hand but through his entire body instantly. And that anger. That indescribable huge anger screaming inside his head that very moment. He had no logical explanation where it came from. He didn't even remember ever having felt anything alike in his whole life. It had been as though someone else having acted through him. As if he had been an outside observer of himself acting like a lunatic without the slightest control of his own body.

Leo clenched his teeth staring down to the ground and only seconds later he felt tears rising up in his eyes again. Quickly he shook his head and rubbed over his face with his sleeve. He couldn't risk letting anyone see this.

"Why is this happening now?" he thought, leaning his shoulder to a wall. He sighed deeply.

But then he was interrupted by the clacking sound of steps on the stones floor behind him. He teared his eyes wide open and turned around.

There was no one to be seen. Leo squinted his eyes slightly. Sometimes it was hard to see through the darkness of these theatres and making out someone could be really tricky.

He scanned his surrounding once more. No. There was no one.

Slowly he turned.

"Odd," he thought. "I swear I've heard someone."

He shrugged slightly and was about to turn again and move on to finally start working again. But just as though a lightning bolt shot through him that very moment, he stopped again when the steps appeared once more; this time even closer to him than before.

Hastily he turned around again only to find that huge empty space in front of himself once more.

Leo could feel cold sweat appear on his forehead. He lifted his shoulders and in an instance he felt his neck hair stand on end which made his stomach almost flip. This feeling wasn't good. Oh no, not at all. He could sense eyes on him but obviously that someone didn't want to be seen.

Leo stepped backwards but froze the very next second. Whoever this was, it couldn't mean anything good.

"Who is there?" he yelled all of a sudden, still staring into that darkness. "Show yourself!"

But again nothing happened. Leo started to feel a deep panic arising inside of him. His whole body was alerted by now and he saw his chest rising and falling in a growing rhythm.

And then he saw a movement. Behind one of the wing curtains.

"Carmen? " he asked cautiously. "Is this you?"

He held his breath and stepped a little closer towards that curtain.

A mistake he would regret in a heartbeat.

Leo almost fell backwards when a figure appeared from behind it; only standing there without moving any further in his direction. A tall young man; slender in a way. His long dark curls fell gently on his shoulders. At least the parts hanging loosely. The rest was tied back with what seemed like a bandala. And was he wearing a skirt. And he simply stared back at the young man with his deep brown eyes.

Leo's eyes widened in shock and he froze completely.

"This cannot be," he heard himself whisper. Even if he felt like screaming it out loud, he couldn't bring out more than a hoarse whisper seeing this. "How…. How is this possible?"

But just when these words escaped his mouth, that man turned quickly and started to run in the opposite direction. Leo didn't remain where he was like being frozen though.

"No! Wait!"

He started to run without really telling his feet to do so. And he was fast. He followed that shadow as fast as he could, ignoring the loud beating of his heart. He didn't even hear the thundering of his steps when he turned yet another of the small corners leading into another narrow corridor.

His eyes were only focused on the little rest of hair he could always see from that person whenever he disappeared behind such corner. Once or twice he bombed a wall with his shoulder but kept ignoring the pain and instead only kept on running.

He came to a sudden stop when another person walked into his way carelessly, looking rather shocked when Leo neared him.

Leo gasped. He tried to stop but it was to late and only one second later he found himself on the ground; on top of Carmen who didn't move for a moment.

"Ouch," he heard him scream in his high-pitched diva voice, rubbing his back. "Leo! What's gotten into you?"

"Sorry," Leo wasn't really listening but immediately scanned the corridor again to find a clue of where this person had run to. He jumped up and was on his feet again. He probably would have started to run again, if Carmen hadn't grabbed his jacket in an instance and kept him from going any further.

"Hey, what's the rush?" he asked, but his face changed immediately as he looked up into the panicking eyes of his young friend. His voice changed as well. "Leo? What's the matter?"

"I… er…," But Leo wasn't really paying attention. He struggled to get out of Carmen's grip to continue his running and he still focused on the corridor ahead of him.

"Leo?" Carmen managed to grab him by the shoulder now and kind of forced him to turn to him for once. "What is going on?"

Leo's eyes were wide in shock and his face was pale. His hair hung in long strands down his head, giving the impression he was as exhausted as he looked right now.

"Clara!" Leo looked into Carmen's eyes directly, which changed into shocked disbelief as well. "There was Clara!"

Carmen's eyes grew, but slowly he shook his head and didn't take his eyes off of him. "This isn't possible!"

"I know!" Leo now almost screamed at his friend. "I know it isn't. But believe me! He was here! Just seconds ago! Carmen! It was Clara, I swear!"

But Carmen didn't know what to say either. He stood there without moving in the slightest and with his mouth open, just listening to what Leo had just told him.

"Come on! He can't be far away," Leo grabbed Carmen's hand and dragged him along, feeling a little relief when the slender man started to follow him without hesitation.

They turned yet another corner and faced a huge metal stage door.

It was only one look they've exchanged and both of them were on it, stemming that metallic monster open.

The daylight almost blinded them that first moment, but while Carmen was still holding his arm over his head to let his eyes get used to that brightness, Leo already turned around, running small circles around Carmen and desperately looked from one side of the alley they've landed in to the other. But apart from old dustbins and the usual tourist-run passing the streets in front of the building in the distance there was nothing to be seen.

Leo felt his breath getting even faster as he whirled around once more. Where could he have been gone this quickly? He couldn't have vanished.

"Leo, come on," Carmen crossed his arms in front of his body, watching his friend act like a scared-up rabbit. "Calm down!"

"He must be somewhere," Leo still circled Carmen hastily, whereas his companion stood completely still by now.

"Let's look at this calmly, okay?" Carmen spoke once more, still trying to catch his breath. "This…. This is just not possible. Whoever it was you've seen there…it can't have been Clara!"

And finally Leo stopped, whirling around to Carmen in desperation and screamed back at him.

"IT WAS HIM," his body started to shiver. Oh no, not again. He felt that anger arise once more. "It was Clara. I swear on everything that I know!"

"Leo…"

"No!" he yelled at the top of his voice. Tears were running down his cheeks. Tears of anger. "It was him! You…you must have seen him too. He only passed you a second before I bumped into you… There is no chance you could have missed him!"

Damn it. Why the heck wouldn't he believe him? Why was he stemming himself against the possibility he was right? He looked into Carmen's face, which turned to a more worried shape and it almost made Leo sick seeing it. That pity! That disbelief! For a moment he felt like throwing something at him. Like slapping this pitiful look out of him right here and now. He could feel his hands turn to fists already while still trying to control himself for some reason. His wounded hand immediately started to shiver and that stinging pain wandered through his arm again.

But then Carmen gently put his hands on both of Leo's shoulders, forcing him to stand still. And he kept on staring at the younger man until he finally gained more control of his breaths and his body quieted down a bit.

"Leo," Carmen cupped his face in between his hands softly. "I only saw you!"

"No, no, no…you must have. I was right behind him. You must have seen him rushing by. There's no chance you could've missed him," Leo sniffed. "We weren't one second apart… you must have…"

"Leo! Leo listen to me," Carmen's face came closer to Leo's and he spoke in the warmest, softest tenor he could accomplish. "Listen…Leo. There was no one else!"

His eyes were teared wide open and he tried hard to speak that calmly. Leo could tell. But still Carmen shook his head slightly.

"There was no one," he continued. "I heard the noise you made on the floor, wondering why someone would run through the theatre like that. And when I looked out to see who it was, you ran into me."

"What?" Leo's eyes grew to a new size and he could hear his hoarse voice disappearing completely now. What the hell was he telling him there? He was there. Between the two of them. He simply must have seen…

Or…. What if this was true?

"Leo, I swear," Carmen sounded so worried all of a sudden. "It was only you running…. No one else."

These words sank deeply. And slowly. Leo could feel them like a boulder inside of him, sinking down his body, pulling him under with its weight. Suddenly he could feel his shivering legs again. And the pumping of his heart only strengthening the heaviness that overcame him.

So, slowly, he sank to his knees; his head still up in the air and his eyes set on Carmen.

"Leo?"

He heard him. But his voice sounded so far away. Just as if he was yelling from inside that building.

Leo turned his head to face the crowds cheerfully passing the alley still.

He'd seen him. He was certain about that… but was he really? Thinking back, he couldn't say for sure who he had seen there. Or perhaps if he'd seen anyone at all.

"Leo? Are you alright?"

Carmen crouched down next to him. His hand was over Leo's back again, but somehow he didn't dare to touch him.

What was this about?

Only then, Leo broke down completely, bending over and losing it. His forehead was on the ground and his arms clasped his shivering body as if it was the only thing that gave him some hold now. His tears were uncontrollably falling down to the ground and colored it in a wet look. He started to scream. A long, heartbreaking, tearing scream that echoed back from the walls around them.

It gave Carmen goosebumps. He stood there so shocked by that reaction so unlike his young friend without knowing what was going on.

"Leo…" he whispered cautiously.

It was then the younger man turned around to look at him, while crying frantically.

"Something is wrong with me…."

~ To be continued ~


End file.
